Monday, August 26, 2013

Heavenly thinking...

I find that I rarely think about heaven or what my position in heaven will be. I tend to think about this life only...and I hardly think about the great gift heaven is to those who are promised to get it. When I do think about heaven, though, I think about the people who may not get to go there; often wondering if my loved ones will make it and it scares me. I think that negative association kind of makes me subconsciously not think about it as much as I would love to; also the fact that this world constantly points towards thinking about our own selves and our own wants. I talked to God today about how amazing heaven must really be; that if He is creative enough to create a world as beautiful as this and through man He built mansions, to think of the mansions He built Himself for us to live in (John 14:1-2). I mean, actual mansions, built by the hands of God. If mansions that man have built, the man made in His image, are gorgeous, then I can't fathom the work God has done.

Lately I have been thinking about the importance of God in my life and how, in a way, my love for Him can be quite selfish and how I wish it weren't this way. I wish that I loved Him purely for who He is and not for what He could give me. I sometimes think I am motivated by the wrong things. Although, I'm sure He is aware of this. I do hope He knows that I try...I try to love Him for who He is. Because of this, and small other things, it's been a struggle to delight in Him...but I do try.

Staying away from the internet, intentionally, has been helpful to me. I think God, all along, has been trying to break me from the bad habit of being on the internet all day.

I spent the night at my friend's place; it was hard for me to function the next day because her sister was sick, she still wanted to go to work, I have a car, she doesn't, so I felt obligated to offer her a ride to work. Well, off we went and I literally spent zero time with God. It was a rush, rush to her job in Los Angeles traffic which I inherently hate. Los Angeles traffic would make a saint curse! Lol. (Thank you Haddie! Love Thy Neighbor) Thankfully, I didn't curse, but I was angry a few times and I felt drained. I felt so drained. I knew i needed time reading the Word, praying, or something.

Anyway, there haven't been any great & overwhelming revelations lately. I somewhat forced this blog. Aside from God solidifying His intent on getting me away from the internet while I was at Sunday service, there is nothing else I've been urged to write about. This post is a little focus-less...hah, for lack of a better word.

What I'm currently reading on the daily*:

Joshua
Psalms
Matthew
Revelations
(Random smaller books in the new testament)

*trying to completely read...some days I don't read everything

God bless

Thursday, August 15, 2013

The interwebs

Internet usage. It's been the bane of my existence for as long as I can remember. It's gotten me through some tough times, though. The information I am available to and the hours of keeping myself occupied can be some of its benefits; all the while, I still have this deep seeded feeling that I could be more productive, or that I could be spending less time on mindless goop and more time with God.

At the end of every day, I pray to God, or think about Him on my bed and say, "I'm sorry...for not...spending as much time with You...as I should." It is slightly heart-wrenching for lack of a better word. I do it consistently and never make any moves to change my behavior.

I read an article in Set Apart Girl, a magazine for Christian women, and it convicted me so much. It talked about social media usage and how idle and empty it can be. How vain it can be. How idolatrous. Oooh...the thing everyone's doing? The thing that seems so harmless? The thing that fills up my time? The thing that I use to compare myself to other women? The thing I use to whine and complain about my life? The thing I use to spend hours laughing at things that don't matter? Or worrying about clothes, or boys, or fashion, or any other thing that makes me care more about the world than I do my spiritual health, or the health of my mother, or the needs of my household? I mean, sometimes I spend hours on internet and get angry with my mother for interrupting me to help her clean or something. It's really not good. 

I didn't want to see myself. I didn't want to see that it's something that I genuinely need to THINK about, PONDER and EVALUATE. I need to make some changes. It took that article for me to see that man, maybe all these years, God has been trying to pull me away from the internet?? Hhhmm...

I don't want to eradicate myself from it completely. I mean, I'm writing in a blog right now, for crying out loud...but I do want to limit my usage of the net and spend my time doing other things that could be more beneficial...like doing my chores consistently, reading books, reading the Bible, spending more time with God, figuring out times to hang out with other people from my church, helping my mother without getting angry whenever she calls, just sitting down and not doing anything at all. 

There's so much more I could say about this subject; about how the internet is both a curse and a blessing. I guess, with anything as massive as the internet, and as important as it is...it's great to practice limits so that it doesn't become more of a curse than it is a blessing. I can't lie! The internet has opened my eyes to many a good things but it's time to shut down my laptop for more days than just a few...and it's time to stop wasting time on things that are kind of meaningless and that are more meaningful. 

I will continue to use different social media outlets, but I will use them a lot less and be more intentional with my usage. 

Hopefully you can think about doing the same.

Sincerely,

G...

Monday, August 12, 2013

Patience is key...

Hello again,

I'm excited to write in this thing. I think it helps me to collect my thoughts and understandings and revelations without them wildly escaping into the recesses of my mind. It helps me to lasso things together to help remind me to put these thoughts into barns where I feed them, nurture them, and protect them. I don't know how that analogy came to mind but it did. God is a Teacher among so many things and I love the lessons He teaches me and reminds me of; like that one lesson He taught me ages ago about being patient. Yeah, I still need to be reminded of that.

So many good things have fallen into my lap these past few weeks. I will list them:

1) Encouragement from a brother I haven't gotten before! What a wonderful friend. To get those words of encouragement from a brother really helped me.

2) God answered the prayer I lifted up to Him and the prayers of others and He blessed me with a part-time job in a really cool place!

3) He has answered the prayer of my heart to help me with a skin problem I have been having; which is really embarrassing for me to talk about in full detail.

Those are the three most prominent things that have happened to me that I have enjoyed. And this is how these three things have awakened impatience:

1) The way he treated me triggered the desire for romance, love, and dating. All of which are not happening right now and I'm not sure is happening any time soon. I'm not saying I'm going to date him or even want to date him, but I enjoyed how nice he was to me and I want that in my life consistently. I'm upset that it isn't here yet and I know only God can make this happen in the right time with the right person...so I pray for patience and I hope that I can give my romantic life over into God's hands.

2) I have the job...but I have to wait until the end of the month to start! I want to start working now but God is saying..."Geraldine...have patience, like Christ." Even an older sister from my church told me, "Don't rush it! You have all your life to work! Enjoy this time off..." *sigh* So I must pray and wait until I know what God wants me to do until I DO start working.

3) My back is healing because I decided not to eat any more dairy products or anything with milk in it. It's going to be hard but I am able to do it because I don't want my back to break into flames. Now that my back is getting better, I have to wait now for the scars to go away and I just want them gone NOW. I have waited so long for this that I want it to be better now, doggone it!!

Yeah, I love God and I thank Him for what He has done for me. I have been reminded that I need to have the character of Christ. That Jesus will never stop putting me into situations that will change me into becoming more like Him. I even listened to a sermon the other day on the radio that talked about impatience! And how patience is a fruit of the Spirit and part of Christ's character that we must have. It really humbled me and I was blown away how that is exactly what I needed to hear. I heard that message on the Saturday that just passed. Even a scripture I posted on some of my social media outlets wrung the same message:

Psalm 27:13-14
"I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord."

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. I can't lie. I hate waiting. I want now. However, I must submit myself to God and be patient as He is patient. I need to call upon the Holy Spirit in times of discontentment and impatience and ask Him to help me get through it. It's the only way that I can possibly function with peace and hope and without being irritable.

There are so many scriptures about waiting on the Lord and demonstrations of Christ's patience.

I hope that if you find yourself getting anxiously impatient that you would spend some time praying for the Holy Spirit to help you be patient, to show you what to do next. Also, read some scriptures in hopes it will help you...and go ahead and tell someone else to pray for you, too. It will help.