Monday, February 18, 2013

Fear...

Fear can be a driving force behind a lot of the things that we do. I know it's one fuel I can operate on and it's definitely exhausting, disappointing, and paralyzing. Fear is one of the things I struggle with constantly; some days are better than others, of course, because of my relationship with God. It just so happens my fear went into overdrive yesterday evening and it drove me to a place of tears, of running to my mom instead of God, and basically going all out crazy in my own way. Crazy can mean a lot of things for a lot of people. For me, I was just crying and talking to myself, and saying stuff like, "I don't want to be here anymore. No one likes me. Who cares. No one wants my love. My help. I can't have romance the way I want it. There's no point in living..." And then my mom saying stuff along the lines of, "I told you so...." and me getting angry with her and she tells me I'm "desperate" and I angrily say, "NO! I am not!" and then humbly saying, "Okay...yea, I am..." Nothing sane about this...anyway, after talking to her and then her boyfriend, I calmed down a bit. They were giving me advice but the advice didn't sit well with my spirit. Her boyfriend was egging me on to do something that I knew in my heart wasn't right to do. I wanted to do it because of the pressure he was putting on me and the pressure inside of myself that just wanted to DO something...but God was clearly telling me not to and listened. I did nothing. I knew what was right to do in my heart plus I was scared to do what he was telling me to anyway. There was just fear all around; but no confusion. That's what I am thankful for.  When my mom and her boyfriend were giving me advice, it reminded me of the friends of Job; they were telling him all this information that didn't even sound like it was from God, but it took on some godly forms in some ways, but all it did was add confusion, pain, and frustration on both sides. I don't know why I go to my mom for advice or her boyfriend either when it comes to situations in my life.

Whenever I am in a tizzy, I like listening to Charles Stanley. I listen to him because I feel this deep connection to how he is in his relationship with God. He is so sincere, he is so deeply convicted, and he speaks with such authority. I admire his wisdom and his passion for God. He's like the grandpa or dad I wish I had... so badly.

Anyway, I listened to his sermon called, "Direction without Doubt." It is absolutely amazing! It's amazing because he makes a claim that it absolutely works. I love that. With all the confusion in the world, I need wisdom to guide to something that will remove confusion from my life. Secondly, it has reinforced something I feel like God has been teaching me about here and there all along: that I need to stop operating out of fear! Please go listen to the sermon yourself, get your bible, & just listen: Direction without Doubt

Everything in the sermon has value but what has stood out to me the most was the idea of internal and external pressure. He said that whenever we feel any kind of pressure to make a decision, we need to not make a decision. We need to stop ourselves and pray until we get clear direction from the Lord.

God confirmed this teaching today while I was reading my quiet times:
1 Peter 3:3-6 - This here speaks to women & how not to do too much out of fear.

1 John 4 - This was part of my quiet time and further down in the passage it says, "Perfect love drives out fear."

Psalm 5:11 - This just speaks about God's protection over us as we take refuge in Him, we usually take refuge when we are afraid; when we are afraid we are to take refuge in Him, not fret and start doing a whole bunch of stuff out of impulse.

Please take the time to read these on your own, but God has been placing these seeds of truth inside of me overtime. It's just that last night I finally saw what He was doing or allowed me to see what He was doing. Here's what He had been planting in me before I had my quiet time today (all on different days but I just remember learning them all so vividly):

This lady who gives relationship advice says to stop operating out of fear and doing too much to get people to love you.

Psalm 25

UnkaGlen, said something along the lines of fear being a tool of the enemy and that we can't allow fear to make us do certain things because certain fears aren't coming from God.

My friend mentioned to me 2 Tim. 1:7, of course, a famous verse. It's amazing... and it's true.

My other friend taught me that when confessing sin, we have to be aware of when we do it and how. We can't just go blurting stuff out because of guilt and duh, that's fear. We have to do it at the right time and I really feel like with the right people.

Anyway, it's something that God is trying to make me learn and remind me of. I still haven't gotten this down yet. I'm such a fearful person. I struggle with anxiety and it's absolutely something that I have overcome but still overcoming.

Anyway, I hope this helps, I'm getting tired right now and need to do my homework. I'm still at school and I have reading to do that I don't want to do. Peace in~!

In Christ

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